Oh, this is such a neat take on the original, the things you've added around the dialogue.

The ending is a nice addition, especially the Han Solo reference, and then this: If he's learned anything from Cordelia and Anya, it's this: when a beautiful girl implies that she's into you, as long as you're absolutely sure she's not a vampire or an Incan mummy or a giant bug lady in disguise, you go with it. You don't chicken out, you don't go running to your best friend and try to resolve lingering sexual tension.