Hi, I'm back. Well, I've been back several times, but today's the last opportunity to express glee without knowing who you are. So: more things I love about this:
The end words -- looks like you picked "wait," "dance" and "turn" from the body of the original poem, which is cool, because in addition to the subject matter and title here, it ties the two together even more tightly. I'm going to guess they did come from the original, because it's pretty to think that you wanted to emphasize the ideas in the lines they were drawn from. Like "Time tonight to stop waiting," when that's the crux of the poems, and "friend-turned-lover," which I thought was an awkward phrase in my own but tried to capture their trembling step over the line. This is about the turn to something different, something more. And "an irascible friend / He's been dancing around for too many years" -- it's so beautiful (sorry to keep using the same adjective, but it is) here how you expand on the facets of that dance and that cycle.
And did you deliberately sprinkle other end words from the other sestinas (leg, Vicodin, puzzles, whispers, Stacy, laugh, lies) throughout, or is that a coincidence because many of the words are so integral to who House is?
Two more beautiful turns of phrase I didn't mention last time:
His thoughts are live loads, chambered ideas in a mind that waits to fire when it will cause the worst damage
and
Everything turns / on the axis of his pain
The first is such a perfect metaphor and a wonderful image; the second is so simple and elegant, and so terribly true.
Sigh. Then, of course, there's the mirroring of the opening line as well as the one about being restless and (not) knowing what he wants, and that line I mentioned last time about kissing House like a flame, dancing, still gets me, and did I mention that using "cycle" once for the bike was very clever?
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Date: 2007-04-28 02:56 pm (UTC)The end words -- looks like you picked "wait," "dance" and "turn" from the body of the original poem, which is cool, because in addition to the subject matter and title here, it ties the two together even more tightly. I'm going to guess they did come from the original, because it's pretty to think that you wanted to emphasize the ideas in the lines they were drawn from. Like "Time tonight to stop waiting," when that's the crux of the poems, and "friend-turned-lover," which I thought was an awkward phrase in my own but tried to capture their trembling step over the line. This is about the turn to something different, something more. And "an irascible friend / He's been dancing around for too many years" -- it's so beautiful (sorry to keep using the same adjective, but it is) here how you expand on the facets of that dance and that cycle.
And did you deliberately sprinkle other end words from the other sestinas (leg, Vicodin, puzzles, whispers, Stacy, laugh, lies) throughout, or is that a coincidence because many of the words are so integral to who House is?
Two more beautiful turns of phrase I didn't mention last time:
His thoughts are live loads,
chambered ideas in a mind that waits
to fire when it will cause the worst damage
and
Everything turns / on the axis of his pain
The first is such a perfect metaphor and a wonderful image; the second is so simple and elegant, and so terribly true.
Sigh. Then, of course, there's the mirroring of the opening line as well as the one about being restless and (not) knowing what he wants, and that line I mentioned last time about kissing House like a flame, dancing, still gets me, and did I mention that using "cycle" once for the bike was very clever?