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remix_reduxTitle: Five Things Bill Adama Wishes (The World-Domination Robot Hindsight Remix)
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
pirateygoodness
Summary: Five things Bill wishes he'd done
Rating: PG
Fandom: Battlestar Galactica
Spoilers: 3.20, Crossroads, Part 1
Original Story: Five things Adama wishes he could have done in his life, byseveruslovesme
1. things he can never see again
When Bill sleeps, he sees the colonies.
He sees himself, standing in a field in Canceron, watching the sun set over the Kragos mountains.
He sees Laura with him, and that's how he remembers - how he knows - that this is a dream, because this never happened and she never knew him before the cylons. But gods -
Gods, even though this isn't real, even though the feel of her hand in his is a lie, because Canceron is gone and it took the end of the worlds for him to meet Laura, it's enough. Because the light around them is glowing red-gold, catching the tones of her hair and smoothing the lines on her face until she's a woman who didn't lose everyone she knew. Until she's a woman who wasn't asked to carry all of humanity toward the future of civilization.
Laura laughs, and the smile on her face when she looks back at him is the most beautiful thing he's ever seen. She's lovely - no, she's radiant, caught in the last dying rays of light, and Bill's never loved her more.
Bill wakes up, the light dim in his bunk and the sheets cold around him, like he does every morning. But for one delicious moment, he keeps his eyes closed, and lets himself enjoy the patterns fading behind his eyelids.
The sunset over the Kragos mountains on Canceron really is beautiful.
2. people he can never get back
Bill used to close his eyes and see Kara next to Lee, back before New Caprica changed everyone. He'd see the two of them sitting on the floor of Lee's quarters, faces flushed and smiling over a little boy with dark hair. He'd be small - so small, and Bill can barely remember a time when his own sons were that size - but already he'd be cooing and grabbing for the tiny model viper Kara would hold just out of his reach, laughing indulgently.
Of course he'd reach for it. No child of Starbuck's could possibly grow up without wanting to feel that rush of being in the cockpit, just like his mother. Just like his grandfather. Just like his father, who'd be tousling his son's hair with one hand and brushing against Kara's knee with the other.
Kara would look up, then, and smile the way she used to when she stepped out of her viper and onto the hangar deck. "So, I guess this means we all have to start calling you 'old man,' then, doesn't it?"
Bill used to think it was just a matter of time.
These days, he closes his eyes and sees Dee standing next to his son. And that little boy's still there, but he's different. He's still got that shock of dark hair, but he'd stare up at Bill with calm, quiet eyes, clutching one of Lee's fingers in his fist.
Dee, Bill thinks, would be a good mother. She'd raise her sons to be honest.
3. childhoods he can't go back and change
Lee is setting his jaw and handing in his wings. Bill's son, his own flesh and blood, is turning on him to work for a man he hates, and Bill should want to look him in the eye. Bill should want to glance up and meet the betrayal on his son's face, but he won't. He doesn't need to.
Because in his mind's eye, there's a ten-year-old boy standing in the kitchen, hugging a pyramid ball. His dark hair's just a little bit too long and a little bit too wavy, because summer on Caprica always meant putting off talking the boys into haircuts, and it won't quite stay back when he brushes it out of his eyes with one hand and scowls. "Come on, Dad."
"Lee, I can't. I've got flight schedules to plot, I've got - I just don't have time for pyramid right now, son. Ask your brother."
Bill doesn't need to look up now because he's already got a perfect memory of the way Lee's shoulders slump, the way his head dips down in something like defeat. He can see the way Lee scuffs his shoe along the floor and clutches the ball just a little bit tighter, sets his jaw in a way no little boy should ever have to.
"Fine, then, I'll just play with Zak. Sir."
And there's something in the way he straightens his spine, something in the way he fiddles with the ball's stitching, that Bill still wishes he had noticed back then. He wishes he had known, when Lee used to jut out his lower lip and walk away, that things would turn out like this.
4. grudges he can't quite let go
Somehow, he thinks, this is all Gaius Baltar's fault. All of it.
The trial, and the cylon prisoner in the hold, and the way his son looks at him from across the makeshift courtroom like he's in the wrong, here. Because that can't be his own fault, it just can't. Bill Adama is a good man, and he tried to do what was best, and he was raised to believe that because of that, things should turn out alright. That it should mean that things work out in the end, and he can't help but wonder if - well.
If Gaius Baltar weren't here, maybe a lot of things would have turned out differently, that's all.
And it's not that he wishes the man harm. He doesn't - he can't. Not seeing him there on the stand, shaking and pale and looking for all the world like a lost, bewildered child. But he just - there are days when he wishes he hadn't trusted him, right after the attack.
There are days when Bill wishes he'd thrown Gaius Baltar out of an airlock when he'd had the chance.
5. there's always a girl
Bill used to regret not kissing Laura. He regretted it long before New Caprica, before she took half the fleet on a wild goose chase to Kobol and back. He used to regret not kissing her, used to sit sometimes and think about what it would be like to just tangle one hand in her hair and let go.
And then he did.
Author:
pirateygoodnessSummary: Five things Bill wishes he'd done
Rating: PG
Fandom: Battlestar Galactica
Spoilers: 3.20, Crossroads, Part 1
Original Story: Five things Adama wishes he could have done in his life, by
severuslovesme1. things he can never see again
When Bill sleeps, he sees the colonies.
He sees himself, standing in a field in Canceron, watching the sun set over the Kragos mountains.
He sees Laura with him, and that's how he remembers - how he knows - that this is a dream, because this never happened and she never knew him before the cylons. But gods -
Gods, even though this isn't real, even though the feel of her hand in his is a lie, because Canceron is gone and it took the end of the worlds for him to meet Laura, it's enough. Because the light around them is glowing red-gold, catching the tones of her hair and smoothing the lines on her face until she's a woman who didn't lose everyone she knew. Until she's a woman who wasn't asked to carry all of humanity toward the future of civilization.
Laura laughs, and the smile on her face when she looks back at him is the most beautiful thing he's ever seen. She's lovely - no, she's radiant, caught in the last dying rays of light, and Bill's never loved her more.
Bill wakes up, the light dim in his bunk and the sheets cold around him, like he does every morning. But for one delicious moment, he keeps his eyes closed, and lets himself enjoy the patterns fading behind his eyelids.
The sunset over the Kragos mountains on Canceron really is beautiful.
2. people he can never get back
Bill used to close his eyes and see Kara next to Lee, back before New Caprica changed everyone. He'd see the two of them sitting on the floor of Lee's quarters, faces flushed and smiling over a little boy with dark hair. He'd be small - so small, and Bill can barely remember a time when his own sons were that size - but already he'd be cooing and grabbing for the tiny model viper Kara would hold just out of his reach, laughing indulgently.
Of course he'd reach for it. No child of Starbuck's could possibly grow up without wanting to feel that rush of being in the cockpit, just like his mother. Just like his grandfather. Just like his father, who'd be tousling his son's hair with one hand and brushing against Kara's knee with the other.
Kara would look up, then, and smile the way she used to when she stepped out of her viper and onto the hangar deck. "So, I guess this means we all have to start calling you 'old man,' then, doesn't it?"
Bill used to think it was just a matter of time.
These days, he closes his eyes and sees Dee standing next to his son. And that little boy's still there, but he's different. He's still got that shock of dark hair, but he'd stare up at Bill with calm, quiet eyes, clutching one of Lee's fingers in his fist.
Dee, Bill thinks, would be a good mother. She'd raise her sons to be honest.
3. childhoods he can't go back and change
Lee is setting his jaw and handing in his wings. Bill's son, his own flesh and blood, is turning on him to work for a man he hates, and Bill should want to look him in the eye. Bill should want to glance up and meet the betrayal on his son's face, but he won't. He doesn't need to.
Because in his mind's eye, there's a ten-year-old boy standing in the kitchen, hugging a pyramid ball. His dark hair's just a little bit too long and a little bit too wavy, because summer on Caprica always meant putting off talking the boys into haircuts, and it won't quite stay back when he brushes it out of his eyes with one hand and scowls. "Come on, Dad."
"Lee, I can't. I've got flight schedules to plot, I've got - I just don't have time for pyramid right now, son. Ask your brother."
Bill doesn't need to look up now because he's already got a perfect memory of the way Lee's shoulders slump, the way his head dips down in something like defeat. He can see the way Lee scuffs his shoe along the floor and clutches the ball just a little bit tighter, sets his jaw in a way no little boy should ever have to.
"Fine, then, I'll just play with Zak. Sir."
And there's something in the way he straightens his spine, something in the way he fiddles with the ball's stitching, that Bill still wishes he had noticed back then. He wishes he had known, when Lee used to jut out his lower lip and walk away, that things would turn out like this.
4. grudges he can't quite let go
Somehow, he thinks, this is all Gaius Baltar's fault. All of it.
The trial, and the cylon prisoner in the hold, and the way his son looks at him from across the makeshift courtroom like he's in the wrong, here. Because that can't be his own fault, it just can't. Bill Adama is a good man, and he tried to do what was best, and he was raised to believe that because of that, things should turn out alright. That it should mean that things work out in the end, and he can't help but wonder if - well.
If Gaius Baltar weren't here, maybe a lot of things would have turned out differently, that's all.
And it's not that he wishes the man harm. He doesn't - he can't. Not seeing him there on the stand, shaking and pale and looking for all the world like a lost, bewildered child. But he just - there are days when he wishes he hadn't trusted him, right after the attack.
There are days when Bill wishes he'd thrown Gaius Baltar out of an airlock when he'd had the chance.
5. there's always a girl
Bill used to regret not kissing Laura. He regretted it long before New Caprica, before she took half the fleet on a wild goose chase to Kobol and back. He used to regret not kissing her, used to sit sometimes and think about what it would be like to just tangle one hand in her hair and let go.
And then he did.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2007-04-22 08:32 pm (UTC)Basically this is awesome and you are super-awesome! :D
(no subject)
Date: 2007-04-29 09:10 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-04-23 01:20 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-04-29 09:10 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-04-23 02:34 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-04-29 09:11 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-04-23 02:16 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-04-29 09:14 pm (UTC)Thank you so much! I like to believe that Bill still has hope for a future, most of the time.
(no subject)
Date: 2007-04-29 06:01 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-04-29 09:14 pm (UTC)